


Dear Diary...

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-26
Updated: 2009-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-03 12:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8713054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: A look into the Diary of Sam, and then Dean. Written after s04e12





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

It’s happening. In the back of my mind I know it. Dean hates me, hates what I have become. He is starting to detest me. I can see it in his face, the way he looks when I use my ability.

 

But how do I break it to him, it’s his fault. He is the reason I began using my powers. He is the reason I still am? How do I tell him that I love him, and want to protect him more than anything, just like he has protected me all of these years? 

 

Ruby is right. I have to do it. I have to carry on. When it comes down to it, the end of the world that is. I will save the only person who matters to me. If he likes the way I do it, or not. 

 

Dean, please don’t hate me…

 

Sam

 

\------------------------------------------

 

 

I can’t see why. Why is Sammy doing this? I have given him my life, and he is throwing it back at me. The amount of chicks I fucked to get him off my mind, when he was at college. Now I am doing the same again, just trying to blank it out. Distract myself, even though I know my little brother is turning into a monster! 

 

But if Sammy is turning into a monster, what does that make me? Sam thinks he using his powers for good, I killed for fun. Laughed! As I ripped people apart.

 

He must know that he is the only one who keeps me sane. He is the one reason I wanted to come back. Can’t he see that he is killing me? That these powers are changing him?

 

Changing him into someone, something I don’t know.

 

Too many people have told me that I am going to have to kill my own brother. I felt so much sympathy for that poor old magician guy.

 

How can I tell him that I want my Sammy back? The Sam I loved. The Sam I was in love with.

 

Sammy, please stop hurting me…

 

Dean


End file.
